Do we have any other Kathy Griffin fans in the house? I understand she can be polarizing, so no hard feelings if you’re on the other end of “fan.” At her book signing in 2009 she told me I looked “very Stella McCartney,” which I now believe is not true (unless she was referring to my Forever 21 blazer?) but I was speechless with joy nonetheless. Fast forward to January 2017 and I am reading Kathy’s second book, which is an index of all the celebrities she’s got juice on. Highs: Cher uses excessive emojis and Jack Nicholson is just as weird as you think he is. Lows: Jon Hamm is a douche and Demi Lovato instigates cat fights.
I, too, have celebrity juice, so I figured it would be fun to create my own personal celebrity index. Let’s get started:
Crooner, Canadian, knows how to light a concert
I saw Michael’s show a while ago, and does that man knows how to put on a performance or what. The stage lighting! The song selections! That tailored suit! I was going to let everyone in on the fact that Michael is super tall (he appeared thusly on stage), but I just googled it and he’s a regular 5’10 so never mind.
Comic, redhead, thinks I’m Stella McCartney
A picture is worth 1,000 words.
Line, Florida Georgia
Confused country band
Another celebrity run-in via concert. When I saw FGL I was expecting some stellar American heartland tunes sung by dudes in flannel. I should have done more research! These bros have Vidal Sassoon hair and ripped their tank tops off as the finale! I’mmmm pretty sure Garth never did that. I know these guys had a collab with Nelly and everything, but that “street cred” didn’t translate to a bunch of people drinking Keystone Light. However, if given free tickets I’d see them again. They have some real hits.
Miss Bliss, Donna Murphy in The King and I
Hayley Mills was the female lead in The King and I when my parents took me to see the show in ’97. All I remember is Hayley had on the biggest hoop skirt I have ever seen or even knew existed, and I loved her. That dress shaped all my future dreams about having a wedding dress that was made entirely of ruffles and would not accommodate a groom while walking down the aisle.
Donny Osmond is and will always be the best thing to happen to Joseph and his technicolor dreamcoat. Dreamboat, ifyouwill. I saw Donny twice (thank you mom and dad) and then years later saw Ace Young take on the biblical hero. Ace (former American Idol contestant and second best Joseph) was fine, but there is Only One Donny.
O’Malley, George (T.R. Knight)
Actor, bus victim, nice guy
Closest celebrity contact I’ve had to-date. I served George O’Malley a Guinness while cocktail waitressing at the Kingston Mines. He was with his sister and they were drunkenly celebrating his birthday with a little Chicago jazz. He had a Guinness, who cares what she had, and I had zero clue who George O’Malley was. Another server asked me if I could believe he was there and I was like, “yeah I know, I can’t believe anyone is here,” and she was like, “No! That’s GEORGE O’MALLEY from GREY’S ANATOMY!!!!” and I played it cool like I knew what that TV show was about. (It’s about doctors, and O’Malley is/was a fan favorite who SPOILER gets killed by a bus in season six). This run-in happened halfway through season three when I still thought T.R. Knight was an R&B singer. I don’t remember the tip so it must have been normal.
Actress, in a play I can’t remember anything about
The ‘rents took us to see a play in NYC during a family trip and Amanda Peet was the star. I don’t remember anything about the play except that Amanda was in it and the cast asked for donations to a good cause afterward. I must have asked dad for a fiver, because I waited in line for Amanda’s charity bucket and when I put my cash in I said, “Hi! GREAT JOB!!!” and she looked me right in the eyes and said in the most sincere, border-line too-serious-way, “Thank you.” I exited without incident.
Spears, Britney…..’s backup dancer
I saw Britney in concert in 2008 and it was incredible. I was so nervous about this once-in-a-lifetime event that I left my flip-phone at home, worried I would get kicked out for taking illicit photos of the troubled Princess of Pop. This was the period in B’s life when she was no longer dancing, just walk-strutting around the stage, too medicated to do all the fancy hand choreography she does today. In the two hour performance, she executed exactly one real dance move, a stationary leg lift, and it brought.down.the.house. Her mere presence, let alone in leg-lift mode, was almost too much for my brain. Show highlight: all the male backup dancers got down in holes in the stage for one number, each peeking out of their little hole, and Britney skipped around with a hammer bopping them all on the head like the arcade game Whac-A-Mole. Signs of a lost and misguided superstar, or brilliant dance routine? After the show I got to meet one of the male back-up dancers. He told me he was going to “catch dinner with Brit” and then they were on to the next city. My life has been complete since.
Comic, Vegas visitor
While in Vegas for a friend’s wedding, we were eagle-eyed for celebrities walking around the casino floor. Just when I was getting worried we would leave Sin City sans celebrity run-in, we heard a distinct voice over by the baccarat. Guys, Wanda Sykes sounds exactly like Wanda Sykes in real life. She’s tiny (5’2) and appeared to be rolling deep, because I don’t recall getting a good long glimpse of her as she walked out of the casino. It was exciting to see/hear a celebrity at close range, but nothing beat the high that trip of the digital roulette machine.
Here ends the index. Has anyone else had a celebrity run-in?