for you, love emily

A girl and her cat try out The Internet


3 Comments

Hot or Not: 2017 Grammy Gowns

{photo from justjared.com}

{photo from justjared.com}

Real talk before we dive in: I did not watch the Grammy Awards this year.  I wanted to!  But when Ed and I tuned in, Bey was just beginning to perform and after about 70 seconds of neither of us understanding sh*t about what she was doing, I swiftly lost control of the remote and Fast and Furious 7 was put on instead.

That doesn’t mean that I didn’t research all the dresses thoroughly online the next morning though.  As such, I am fully prepared to present what I thought was hot and what I thought was nawt on the red carpet.  If you’re interested in the beauty trends I spotted (did anyone ever think back in 1997 that I would be able to spot a beauty trend?  LOL.), please check out the post I wrote for Stylisted in the right hand link list —>

Let’s go ahead start off with the biggest fashion trend at the Grammy’s this year: cleavage.  Gone are the days of plain old regular top cleavage.  Boringgggg.  This year we saw a lot of creativity with plunging v-necks and sideboob and underboob and a weird blue suit that defied logic as well as gentle breezes.  As a starting point, let’s throw it back to the original mega-v-cleavage look:

j-lo-original-grammy

Jennifer Lopez owning it at the 2000 Grammy Awards

Hot

First up, Rihanna.  Things were tame over in Rihanna’s world this year.  A massive black ball gown skirt with an orange halter bra top looked pretty good if not initially a little confusing.  How was everything attached, ya know?  I was surprised the look didn’t come off Halloween-y, and once I stared at the top for a while, I actually really liked it.  If Vickies made bathing suits anymore (#RIP), I’m sure this bra silhouette would be a best seller.

rihanna-grammys-2017

Next is Katharine McPhee.  She tried.  She certainly doesn’t look bad, but you also won’t remember her when you’re done reading this post.  I’m giving her points for effort with the sequins, and bonus stars for getting in on the high leg-slit trend.  But classy = snoozefest at the Grammy’s so auf wiedersehen.

katharine-mcphee-grammys-2017

Next: Carrie Underpants.  HOLY CANNOLI!!  This is my favorite dress of the night, maybe of all time.   There are zero things I don’t like about it.  She’s got a strategic keyhole and what appears to be a lot of heavy fabric – but psych! – it’s all see-through.  After a second you realize she’s basically just in her underwear with a red sequin robe on top.  What’s not to love.  The hair is good and the makeup is good, mainly because they take a backseat and don’t interfere with any details of the dress.

carrie-underwood-grammys

Ok on second thought, I take it back about loving every single aspect of Carrie’s dress.  There was one thing I didn’t like and that was Faith Hill wearing essentially the same thing.  This was a faux paux that probably embarrassed everyone there and certainly concluded with a stylist getting fired.

Had I seen Faith’s dress first and Carrie had never showed up to the ball, I would have loved Faith’s dress.  But I saw Carrie’s dress first and so when I saw Faith I felt like she was purposefully doing Carrie dirty.  Faith hasn’t had a hit in awhile, so I’m not putting it past her to show up looking like the hot hit-maker’s twin on purpose. Dog eat dog, amirite.

Luckily, the dresses are by two different designers so no one else needs to be fired.  And Carrie’s clearly has more punch for a red-carpet event, but that didn’t help the worst part of all when somebody made them stand together to make memories with a freaking picture:

carrie-faith

Torture

Look at Carrie’s face.  Look at her left knee!  Even her knee is repulsed to be taking this photo.  Carrie’s probably thinking about what she’d like to do with her Louisville Slugger, and Faith is probably thinking, “Look at us, ya’ll!  We match!  The queen and the princess of country music are havin’ a photo!!”

Adding to the long-sleeved red dress lineup, Bey changed out of her sun goddess stage costume and into this red sequin, plunging neckline dress.  Doesn’t she look like (in a good way) a wax statue here?  She may be mentally cursing Adele out for winning more Grammys than her, but she’s also acing looking royal and fabulous.

Slay

Slay

Enter: Celine.  Showing your stuff off isn’t just for the kids!  Celine Dion stepped out with yet another high leg-slit and deep deep v-neck.  I love the green, I love the sparkle, but she needs to ditch the matchy green shoes and maybe she can help Carrie blow off steam by letting her rip off that asymmetrical bow belt.

celin-dion_grammys

Re-enter J-Lo.  J-Lo is perfection 24/7, which is why I was thrilled this year to see a bunch of body and face makeup on her dress.  (See neckline and that tulle shoulder accent for proof).  Lavender looks lovely on J-Lo, and of course, she’s rocking another keyhole neckline and her Angelina Jolie leg is out (as it should be) and ready to play.

j-lo-grammys

You guys.  I just googled how old J-Lo is, planning to say something about how when she’s Celine’s age she’ll still rock her show-stopping cleave and she’ll never stop being amazing.

J-Lo is 47, which I expected.  Do you know how old Celine Dion is?  Guess.  I’ll tell you.  FORTY-EIGHT.  Celine is only one year older than Jenny from the Block.  Unbelievable!  Who else is surprised?  Did anyone else know that??  I feel bad for insinuating earlier that Celine is of a mature age, but I also feel that I’m not the only one who thought she was older.  J-Lo has either found the Holy Grail or Celine is a chain smoker.  There are no alternatives.

 

59th Annual GRAMMY Awards 2017 held at the Staples Center in Los Angeles - Arrivals Featuring: Demi Lovato Where: Los Angeles, California, United States When: 12 Feb 2017 Credit: Adriana M. Barraza/WENN.com

{photo taken by Adriana M. Barraza/WENN.com}

Hello, Demi!  Perhaps she has the best of the keyholes?  Demi Lovato looked smokin’ in (another) long sleeve, peek-a-boo keyhole gown.  Serous question: is she wearing underwear??  I zoomed in and I can’t tell.  Of note: she must not have thought a smile went well with this look because every single red carpet photo includes a cold (yet smoldering) stone-face.  Was she trying to actually be a bronze statue?  If so, I get it and I like it and she should continue to serve.

lady-gaga-grammys-2017

Most creative cleavage!  Lady Gaga played it safe (?) this year and had what I consider an actual outfit on that made her look like a person instead of wearing a weird costume that made her look like an alien.  And we’ve got more long sleeves!  Gaga rocked out with Metallica on stage so it made sense to have a rocker outfit on during the red carpet.  I wonder if she ever raised her arms up?  Seems like a gamble move.

Not

I don’t want to end with negativity, but so is the nature of a Hot or Not.  The worst interpretation of creative cleavage belonged to this girl, Halsey:

halsey-grammys

I have no clue who she is or what she does.  All I know is she wore this terrible blue satin track suit with cargo pockets on the front of the knees, and the pants have a too-long hemline that I suspect was intentional.  True story I thought she was P!nk at first and then was so relieved when she wasn’t.

Honorable bad dress mention: Lea Michele.  No cleavage available, yet we do have a midriff.  I’d say this is an example of when your hair and makeup ruin your dress.  Imagine how much better this would have been with a low chignon or a top knot, a fushia lip, and a flirty smile:

lea-michele-grammys

Instead she looks vaguely like death wearing couture warmed over.

Absolute worst dressed of the whole ding-dang event goes to poor, poor Katy Perry.  She’s the worst for two reasons.  One, her dress sucked, no way to sugar coat it.  I don’t get it at all and it’s not because she’s trying to be ironic or cool and it’s over my head.  It’s because the dress has a personality disorder and is ugly.  The second reason is because during many of her red carpet interviews she threw shade at my girl Britney and Britney’s 2007 mental breakdown, which, according to B’s Instagram she is still trying to get over, and I DID NOT APPRECIATE IT.  Shaming a fellow artist is lame, especially when you pick an easy target while you’re wearing a stupid dress that looks like Britney may have designed back in 2007 to reflect her mental state.  As T-Swift says, we’ve got bad blood.

katy-perry-grammys

Ish

Let’s end with a cheerful look at Adele wearing a funny looking gown in a pea-shade of green, showing exactly zero skin:

Adele arrives for the 59th Grammy Awards pre-telecast on February 12, 2017, in Los Angeles, California. / AFP / Mark RALSTON (Photo credit should read MARK RALSTON/AFP/Getty Images)

{photo from Mark Ralston/AFP/Getty Images}

Find out why the color green is important this year in my Stlyisted post on the 2017 Pantone Color of the Year!  Link in side bar up top –>

Which look was your favorite?  Let me know in the comments!

 

Save

Save

Save

Save

Advertisements


8 Comments

Celebrity Run-ins: My A-Z Index

celebrity-index

Do we have any other Kathy Griffin fans in the house?  I understand she can be polarizing, so no hard feelings if you’re on the other end of “fan.”  At her book signing in 2009 she told me I looked “very Stella McCartney,” which I now believe is not true (unless she was referring to my Forever 21 blazer?) but I was speechless with joy nonetheless.  Fast forward to January 2017 and I am reading Kathy’s second book, which is an index of all the celebrities she’s got juice on.  Highs: Cher uses excessive emojis and Jack Nicholson is just as weird as you think he is.  Lows: Jon Hamm is a douche and Demi Lovato instigates cat fights.

I, too, have celebrity juice, so I figured it would be fun to create my own personal celebrity index.  Let’s get started:

B

Bublé, Michael

Crooner, Canadian, knows how to light a concert

I saw Michael’s show a while ago, and does that man knows how to put on a performance or what.  The stage lighting!  The song selections!  That tailored suit!  I was going to let everyone in on the fact that Michael is super tall (he appeared thusly on stage), but I just googled it and he’s a regular 5’10 so never mind.

G

Griffin, Kathy

Comic, redhead, thinks I’m Stella McCartney

me-kathy

A picture is worth 1,000 words.

L

Line, Florida Georgia

Confused country band

Another celebrity run-in via concert.  When I saw FGL I was expecting some stellar American heartland tunes sung by dudes in flannel.  I should have done more research!  These bros have Vidal Sassoon hair and ripped their tank tops off as the finale!  I’mmmm pretty sure Garth never did that.  I know these guys had a collab with Nelly and everything, but that “street cred” didn’t translate to a bunch of people drinking Keystone Light.  However, if given free tickets I’d see them again.  They have some real hits.

M

Mills, Hayley

Miss Bliss, Donna Murphy in The King and I

Hayley Mills was the female lead in The King and I when my parents took me to see the show in ’97.  All I remember is Hayley had on the biggest hoop skirt I have ever seen or even knew existed, and I loved her.  That dress shaped all my future dreams about having a wedding dress that was made entirely of ruffles and would not accommodate a groom while walking down the aisle.

Dream wedding dress

Actual clipping of the wedding dress of my dreams, preserved from childhood. You can see I rated it a 5.9 on an unknown scale.

O

Osmond, Donny

Joseph

Donny Osmond is and will always be the best thing to happen to Joseph and his technicolor dreamcoatDreamboat, ifyouwill.  I saw Donny twice (thank you mom and dad) and then years later saw Ace Young take on the biblical hero.  Ace (former American Idol contestant and second best Joseph) was fine, but there is Only One Donny.

O’Malley, George (T.R. Knight)

Actor, bus victim, nice guy

Closest celebrity contact I’ve had to-date.  I served George O’Malley a Guinness while cocktail waitressing at the Kingston Mines.  He was with his sister and they were drunkenly celebrating his birthday with a little Chicago jazz.  He had a Guinness, who cares what she had, and I had zero clue who George O’Malley was.  Another server asked me if I could believe he was there and I was like, “yeah I know, I can’t believe anyone is here,” and she was like, “No!  That’s GEORGE O’MALLEY from GREY’S ANATOMY!!!!” and I played it cool like I knew what that TV show was about.  (It’s about doctors, and O’Malley is/was a fan favorite who SPOILER gets killed by a bus in season six).  This run-in happened halfway through season three when I still thought T.R. Knight was an R&B singer.  I don’t remember the tip so it must have been normal.

GREY'S ANATOMY - T.R. Knight stars as George O’Malley on the ABC Television Network's "Grey's Anatomy." (ABC/BOB D'AMICO)

T.R. Knight as George O’Malley

kingston-mines

Kingston Mines in Chicago. Open from 8PM – 4AM.

P

Peet, Amanda

Actress, in a play I can’t remember anything about

The ‘rents took us to see a play in NYC during a family trip and Amanda Peet was the star.  I don’t remember anything about the play except that Amanda was in it and the cast asked for donations to a good cause afterward.  I must have asked dad for a fiver, because I waited in line for Amanda’s charity bucket and when I put my cash in I said, “Hi!  GREAT JOB!!!” and she looked me right in the eyes and said in the most sincere, border-line too-serious-way, “Thank you.”  I exited without incident.

S

Spears, Britney…..’s backup dancer

Dancer, dream-maker

I saw Britney in concert in 2008 and it was incredible.  I was so nervous about this once-in-a-lifetime event that I left my flip-phone at home, worried I would get kicked out for taking illicit photos of the troubled Princess of Pop.  This was the period in B’s life when she was no longer dancing, just walk-strutting around the stage, too medicated to do all the fancy hand choreography she does today.  In the two hour performance, she executed exactly one real dance move, a stationary leg lift, and it brought.down.the.house.  Her mere presence, let alone in leg-lift mode, was almost too much for my brain.  Show highlight: all the male backup dancers got down in holes in the stage for one number, each peeking out of their little hole, and Britney skipped around with a hammer bopping them all on the head like the arcade game Whac-A-Mole.  Signs of a lost and misguided superstar, or brilliant dance routine?  After the show I got to meet one of the male back-up dancers.  He told me he was going to “catch dinner with Brit” and then they were on to the next city.  My life has been complete since.

Sykes, Wanda

Comic, Vegas visitor

While in Vegas for a friend’s wedding, we were eagle-eyed for celebrities walking around the casino floor.  Just when I was getting worried we would leave Sin City sans celebrity run-in, we heard a distinct voice over by the baccarat.  Guys, Wanda Sykes sounds exactly like Wanda Sykes in real life.  She’s tiny (5’2) and appeared to be rolling deep, because I don’t recall getting a good long glimpse of her as she walked out of the casino.  It was exciting to see/hear a celebrity at close range, but nothing beat the high that trip of the digital roulette machine.

Here ends the index.  Has anyone else had a celebrity run-in?

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save