for you, love emily

A girl and her cat try out The Internet


Valentine’s Day Gift Guide for Your Cat


There are a lot of Valentine’s Day gift guides out there.  It can be overwhelming to sift through all the guides “for him,” “for her,” and “for the kids” when all you’re searching for are some rock solid gift ideas for your cat.  Hey look no further, cat lovers!  I’ve compiled a comprehensive list of everything I’m giving my own cat, Juicy, for Valentine’s Day this year.  Don’t be shy, you can give your cat them all, too!

Gift Idea #1 – A really energetic “Good morning!” 

I wish Juicy a good morning every single day, but today I will do so in my highest, perkiest cat mom voice.  I like to think that Juicy knows this voice is only reserved for special occasions, and for when she gets her soft food every night (see gift idea #5).  While she does not respond well (*at all*) to my “naughty cat” voice, I do think she understands that something magical is about to happen to her with my excited voice.  Try it out – your kitty won’t be disappointed!  At the very least, they’ll at least look up to see what’s the matter with you.

Gift Idea #2 – Deep and meaningful eye contact

Juicy loves this.  Today I’ll give her extra.  I like to try and mind-meld with her at least once a day.  When we lock eyes, nothing is more intriguing than what she could be thinking and if she understands that we are having a staring contest.  What if she holds the secret to life?  What if she is the secret to life?  Ed thinks her tiny head can’t house an advanced brain, but I think that no one really knows.  Juicy and I will practice this at various points today so she understands that her gift to me should be telepathy.


Trying hard to communicate via brainwave

Gift Idea #3 – Shoe box

Forget cat beds!  Lions like Juicy can’t be bothered with those.  Ditch the plush for the cold hard corners of a discarded JustFab boot box (Juicy requires boot boxes due to the additional space, but if you have a regular, non-majestic cat, please feel free to use a regular shoe box).  Literally this is Juicy’s favorite spot to sit and watch the world go by.  As a special treat, today I will move the box to a new location, but still within view of me so we can indulge in Gift Idea #2 whenever the mood strikes.  Right now the box is to my left.  Perhaps this afternoon I will move the box further to the left and give her the gift of perspective.


Front view. Actual favorite shoe box


Back view

Gift Idea #4 – Drugs Catnip

WOW does Juicy like to trip on catnip.  Usually reserved as a distraction for the times we’re apart for more than 24 hours, today I’ll blow her mind by sprinkling OD quantities of catnip on her two claw toys.  Maybe I’ll even sprinkle some on her back to see what happens!  Gift giving is a two-way street!


Juicy, post-catnip {Art by Max Page}

Gift Idea #5 – Soft foods at regularly scheduled time

This may not sound like a special Valentine’s gift, and that’s because it’s not.  Juicy gets her soft food, like the gift that it is, every day.  If you’ve also got a daily soft food pattern, you have got to get creative when turning it into a gift!  Start simple – for instance, today I plan on letting Juicy know that this soft food is not like yesterday’s (it’s exactly the same) by saying, “Happy Valentine’s Day Jewwwwwwwwice!  Ohhhhh da baby!  Here you go!  Om nom nom!  So GOOOOOOOOD!”  This will up the ante in flavor for her.  Pro tip: if you’re thinking about mixing two soft food flavors together in order to create something really out of this world, just know that the last time I did that it backfired in an unbelievable way.


Waiting patiently for soft food

So there you go!  Everything you need to make your cat’s Valentine’s Day extra special is at your fingertips or available by using a different octave of your voice.  Have fun and stay sweet!


Expressing gratitude


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The End of Funemployment & My Columnist Debut!

Three and a half weeks down, 1.93 years to go!  Our first almost-month here has been a total whirlwind in the most wonderful way.  I wish I could post everything that’s happened so far in a chronological and organized manner, but I feel like adfawoefbAUHDFWEHNWEF and it’s just not gonna happen.  So let’s start with the biggest updates in my life that both happened this past Monday (note: there are no updates about Ed’s life in this post.  Sorry Eddie!  Rest assured, he is thriving per usual):

1) I am employed!

2) I am a for-real, legitimate columnist at an accredited (?) newspaper!

Here is proof of both:


RIGHT?!  I mean, don’t mind if I DO.  Let’s break down the job situation first.  I went on 15 interviews within the first two weeks of moving to Boston, straight hustling.  I was handshaking at private equity firms, MIT Sloan Business School, consulting firms, fi-nahnce firms, and executive search firms.  In the end, Egon Zehnder won my favor, and my first day was this past Monday, 9/15.  Egon is an executive search firm, and I am an Executive Assistant there to the head of the Industrials Practice Group (and the only female partner in the Boston office) named Lisa Blais (pronounced “blaze”, which is sweet).  Egon lures established professionals out of their fields (Lisa graduated from HBS, is an engineer, and was a leader in the industrial manufacturing field) and turns them into consultants that then recruit other executives, just like they were, to be CEOs, CFOs, COOs, board members, etc. for Egon’s clients.  The good news here is that the searches seem to always be interesting (a candidate ended up being a felon once!  Another time a female executive showed up to an interview full of pain meds and bombed!) and I understand the executive search business 100% more than I understood exactly what investment banking was (leveraged debt…no).  The bad news is that I know roughly zero about industrials.  For example, what is simulation-based optimization? – I have no clue.  I will be hot on The Google.

Judging from my first three days of work, this will be the best job I’ve had, to-date.  There is only one truly crazy person in the office (we have about 32 people total, which is scary considering my previous experiences) but they are rarely in the office and I will never have to work with them except to answer their phone when everyone else refuses to (I have taken the time between 2008 and present to conquer my phone phear).  I am finally starting to feel like I’ve over-paid my insane-in-a-bad-way-coworker dues and am getting a break.  Luckily the candidates and clients we work with bring their own brand of crazy so I’ll still have stories to tell and embellish when in front of a group.  They probably won’t be as good as my Kmart stories, but close.  Check out my name badge:


Do you see the red clippydo thing?!  It’s like they KNOW ME.  I had to mask how thrilled I was with it’s color when I got it.  Everyone else’s is a terrible gray.

Here’s my cube situation:


That photo was a snapchat, and for those who may not understand my snap-English, the bottom text means: “My cube…America”.  The office is better in real life than this photo lets on.  See that wood mini-closet thing in the bottom right-hand corner?  It’s my own mini closet!  With two cubbies for personal items and a drawer!  Trust me, it’s cool.


That is what corporate heaven looks like, people.  I can do roughly one million things at the same time with this set up.  And my phone?  It has caller ID like all phones in 2014 should.  I have a headset that doesn’t have some else’s old makeup on it, and reception will order me whatever brand of red pen I want.  There are mini york peppermint patties in the breakroom, and no one steals all of the bananas to hide them in their desk drawer every Monday, which was the d*ck move everyone pulled at my previous job.  IT’S  LUXURY.

Ok  life update #2: I am the proud new volunteer columnist at the Harbus (Harvard Business School Newspaper)!  Here’s how it happened:

I emailed the Harbus last week being all, “Hiiiiiii, my name is Emily and I was the editor of the DePaul Honors Newsletter seven years ago so please let me write for you in some way I don’t care how.” Then last Friday morning the editor wrote me back and was like, “Yay!  I’m British and if you can write an article in the next two hours I’ll put it Monday’s edition.  If you’re lucky.” So I did it and a few hours after that he wrote back and was like, “This is graut!  I’d like you to write an article for every edition (every other week) from now until forever about your experience as a Partner at HBS.  Cheers!” and I was like:
and a little:
but also:

You can see in the first photo in this post that I have a scripty, 56 pt font signature under the article that says “Emily’.  I did not request that, nor am I the photographer of any of the accompanying photos.  However now that I know they use stock photography, I’ll definitely be sending in my own selections going forward and see if they make it in.  I’ll also submit an author photo, but I need to find the perfect one that says, “I’m a serious writer.  But also a lot of fun.  And extremely smart.  But relatable.  And adorable.  But still serious”.  Maybe this?


Photo courtesy of Andie Herbster at

That’s it for this post!  Ed is leaving me tomorrow night to go to Portland, Maine a day early with the Section D peeps (I will be joining Friday night) so hopefully I can turn my loneliness into productivity and post about our lovely trip to Gloucester, MA (wait till you see the photos, they’re gorg and #nofilter all over the place).  I can no longer distract myself with Real Housewives Of All The Cities anymore since we became Basic Cable subscribers, and that’s probably a good thing for this blog.

Good night!

Emily, Columnist and Employed Person