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Hot or Not: 2017 Grammy Gowns

{photo from justjared.com}

{photo from justjared.com}

Real talk before we dive in: I did not watch the Grammy Awards this year.  I wanted to!  But when Ed and I tuned in, Bey was just beginning to perform and after about 70 seconds of neither of us understanding sh*t about what she was doing, I swiftly lost control of the remote and Fast and Furious 7 was put on instead.

That doesn’t mean that I didn’t research all the dresses thoroughly online the next morning though.  As such, I am fully prepared to present what I thought was hot and what I thought was nawt on the red carpet.  If you’re interested in the beauty trends I spotted (did anyone ever think back in 1997 that I would be able to spot a beauty trend?  LOL.), please check out the post I wrote for Stylisted in the right hand link list —>

Let’s go ahead start off with the biggest fashion trend at the Grammy’s this year: cleavage.  Gone are the days of plain old regular top cleavage.  Boringgggg.  This year we saw a lot of creativity with plunging v-necks and sideboob and underboob and a weird blue suit that defied logic as well as gentle breezes.  As a starting point, let’s throw it back to the original mega-v-cleavage look:

j-lo-original-grammy

Jennifer Lopez owning it at the 2000 Grammy Awards

Hot

First up, Rihanna.  Things were tame over in Rihanna’s world this year.  A massive black ball gown skirt with an orange halter bra top looked pretty good if not initially a little confusing.  How was everything attached, ya know?  I was surprised the look didn’t come off Halloween-y, and once I stared at the top for a while, I actually really liked it.  If Vickies made bathing suits anymore (#RIP), I’m sure this bra silhouette would be a best seller.

rihanna-grammys-2017

Next is Katharine McPhee.  She tried.  She certainly doesn’t look bad, but you also won’t remember her when you’re done reading this post.  I’m giving her points for effort with the sequins, and bonus stars for getting in on the high leg-slit trend.  But classy = snoozefest at the Grammy’s so auf wiedersehen.

katharine-mcphee-grammys-2017

Next: Carrie Underpants.  HOLY CANNOLI!!  This is my favorite dress of the night, maybe of all time.   There are zero things I don’t like about it.  She’s got a strategic keyhole and what appears to be a lot of heavy fabric – but psych! – it’s all see-through.  After a second you realize she’s basically just in her underwear with a red sequin robe on top.  What’s not to love.  The hair is good and the makeup is good, mainly because they take a backseat and don’t interfere with any details of the dress.

carrie-underwood-grammys

Ok on second thought, I take it back about loving every single aspect of Carrie’s dress.  There was one thing I didn’t like and that was Faith Hill wearing essentially the same thing.  This was a faux paux that probably embarrassed everyone there and certainly concluded with a stylist getting fired.

Had I seen Faith’s dress first and Carrie had never showed up to the ball, I would have loved Faith’s dress.  But I saw Carrie’s dress first and so when I saw Faith I felt like she was purposefully doing Carrie dirty.  Faith hasn’t had a hit in awhile, so I’m not putting it past her to show up looking like the hot hit-maker’s twin on purpose. Dog eat dog, amirite.

Luckily, the dresses are by two different designers so no one else needs to be fired.  And Carrie’s clearly has more punch for a red-carpet event, but that didn’t help the worst part of all when somebody made them stand together to make memories with a freaking picture:

carrie-faith

Torture

Look at Carrie’s face.  Look at her left knee!  Even her knee is repulsed to be taking this photo.  Carrie’s probably thinking about what she’d like to do with her Louisville Slugger, and Faith is probably thinking, “Look at us, ya’ll!  We match!  The queen and the princess of country music are havin’ a photo!!”

Adding to the long-sleeved red dress lineup, Bey changed out of her sun goddess stage costume and into this red sequin, plunging neckline dress.  Doesn’t she look like (in a good way) a wax statue here?  She may be mentally cursing Adele out for winning more Grammys than her, but she’s also acing looking royal and fabulous.

Slay

Slay

Enter: Celine.  Showing your stuff off isn’t just for the kids!  Celine Dion stepped out with yet another high leg-slit and deep deep v-neck.  I love the green, I love the sparkle, but she needs to ditch the matchy green shoes and maybe she can help Carrie blow off steam by letting her rip off that asymmetrical bow belt.

celin-dion_grammys

Re-enter J-Lo.  J-Lo is perfection 24/7, which is why I was thrilled this year to see a bunch of body and face makeup on her dress.  (See neckline and that tulle shoulder accent for proof).  Lavender looks lovely on J-Lo, and of course, she’s rocking another keyhole neckline and her Angelina Jolie leg is out (as it should be) and ready to play.

j-lo-grammys

You guys.  I just googled how old J-Lo is, planning to say something about how when she’s Celine’s age she’ll still rock her show-stopping cleave and she’ll never stop being amazing.

J-Lo is 47, which I expected.  Do you know how old Celine Dion is?  Guess.  I’ll tell you.  FORTY-EIGHT.  Celine is only one year older than Jenny from the Block.  Unbelievable!  Who else is surprised?  Did anyone else know that??  I feel bad for insinuating earlier that Celine is of a mature age, but I also feel that I’m not the only one who thought she was older.  J-Lo has either found the Holy Grail or Celine is a chain smoker.  There are no alternatives.

 

59th Annual GRAMMY Awards 2017 held at the Staples Center in Los Angeles - Arrivals Featuring: Demi Lovato Where: Los Angeles, California, United States When: 12 Feb 2017 Credit: Adriana M. Barraza/WENN.com

{photo taken by Adriana M. Barraza/WENN.com}

Hello, Demi!  Perhaps she has the best of the keyholes?  Demi Lovato looked smokin’ in (another) long sleeve, peek-a-boo keyhole gown.  Serous question: is she wearing underwear??  I zoomed in and I can’t tell.  Of note: she must not have thought a smile went well with this look because every single red carpet photo includes a cold (yet smoldering) stone-face.  Was she trying to actually be a bronze statue?  If so, I get it and I like it and she should continue to serve.

lady-gaga-grammys-2017

Most creative cleavage!  Lady Gaga played it safe (?) this year and had what I consider an actual outfit on that made her look like a person instead of wearing a weird costume that made her look like an alien.  And we’ve got more long sleeves!  Gaga rocked out with Metallica on stage so it made sense to have a rocker outfit on during the red carpet.  I wonder if she ever raised her arms up?  Seems like a gamble move.

Not

I don’t want to end with negativity, but so is the nature of a Hot or Not.  The worst interpretation of creative cleavage belonged to this girl, Halsey:

halsey-grammys

I have no clue who she is or what she does.  All I know is she wore this terrible blue satin track suit with cargo pockets on the front of the knees, and the pants have a too-long hemline that I suspect was intentional.  True story I thought she was P!nk at first and then was so relieved when she wasn’t.

Honorable bad dress mention: Lea Michele.  No cleavage available, yet we do have a midriff.  I’d say this is an example of when your hair and makeup ruin your dress.  Imagine how much better this would have been with a low chignon or a top knot, a fushia lip, and a flirty smile:

lea-michele-grammys

Instead she looks vaguely like death wearing couture warmed over.

Absolute worst dressed of the whole ding-dang event goes to poor, poor Katy Perry.  She’s the worst for two reasons.  One, her dress sucked, no way to sugar coat it.  I don’t get it at all and it’s not because she’s trying to be ironic or cool and it’s over my head.  It’s because the dress has a personality disorder and is ugly.  The second reason is because during many of her red carpet interviews she threw shade at my girl Britney and Britney’s 2007 mental breakdown, which, according to B’s Instagram she is still trying to get over, and I DID NOT APPRECIATE IT.  Shaming a fellow artist is lame, especially when you pick an easy target while you’re wearing a stupid dress that looks like Britney may have designed back in 2007 to reflect her mental state.  As T-Swift says, we’ve got bad blood.

katy-perry-grammys

Ish

Let’s end with a cheerful look at Adele wearing a funny looking gown in a pea-shade of green, showing exactly zero skin:

Adele arrives for the 59th Grammy Awards pre-telecast on February 12, 2017, in Los Angeles, California. / AFP / Mark RALSTON (Photo credit should read MARK RALSTON/AFP/Getty Images)

{photo from Mark Ralston/AFP/Getty Images}

Find out why the color green is important this year in my Stlyisted post on the 2017 Pantone Color of the Year!  Link in side bar up top –>

Which look was your favorite?  Let me know in the comments!

 

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Goals for 2017

Empty asphalt road towards cloud and signs symbolizing success a

It’s still January, so not too late to get some goals in order!  I’m a fan of goals any time of year, but they are especially shiny and inspiring in January.  Five of mine are below – one for each fingie so I can keep track of them all on one hannie.

  1. Last year I pledged on Goodreads (find me there at edohse) to read 20 books, and was so far away from completing that goal I can’t even write the final number here (it is not a double-digit).  This year I’m back at it, still aiming for 20, and I’ve already jump started things by getting a fresh library card.  I plan on doing a deep dive into the biography, memoir and self-help sections.  You can look forward to reviews on power women, along with groundbreaking tips on how not to be late (at least they will be groundbreaking for meh).
  2. Make writing a habit. Look!  While stating this goal I am simultaneously working towards it.  Should I check it off now??  This goal will be accomplished via this blog, and now that I’ve posted the goal, I have committed to the universe and myself, and people saw me do it, so in order to avoid shame I will make this blog great again for the first time.
  3. Add more items to my cooking repertoire.  Unlike Drake, I started from the bottom and I’m still there.  Which – my bad, my bad – I’m an adult and should have worked on this earlier.  But, the only place left to go is up, away from this crossroads of “cereal” and “chicken with rice.”
  4. Be a more committed learner in my grad program.  I feel like I can do anything now that finance is over, mostly because I have learned that I cannot do finance.  I hated fractions in second grade and it turns out I still hate them at 32, so bring on the soft skills of marketing!
  5. Keep taking good care of my body (“it’s the only one you’ve got!” – Karen D). I think I really upped my game with this last year and so it is a no-brainer to continue.  Habits will include:
    • Regular face masks. Looking for luxury and variety at a decent price point?  Allow me to suggest Peter Thomas Roth’s mask sampler kit.  If you’re a baller, get the big one and share with me.
    • Regular body lotion application. Target areas of 2016: hands, feet, neck.  New target area: décolletage (nobody wants leathery cleavage).
    • Obvi flossing.  Introduce the habit to my bottom retainer.
    • Daily stretching. Shout out to the random woman in 2008 who told me to never stop stretching, saying I will thank my younger self.  I think she was on to something.  Was she me from the future??  I predict my 40s will be a good judge of how well this worked out, so never quit reading this blog to find out.
    • For the love of god, quit rubbing my eyes.
    • Reach goal: use cuticle oil.

Did anybody else set some goals for 2017?

{image by Rory Vaden}

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17 Comments

Blog’s Back

{Juicy and I, looking at our future through a picture window}

{Juicy and me, looking at our future through a picture window}

Yeah hello!  Blog’s back.  At least for today it is.  Huge news: I’ve decided that my life is STARTING in 2017.  I’m aiming to live my 2017 life like the power women featured in the biographies on my Goodreads to-read shelf, and thought this post would be a worthy place to start.  The only difference I can see between people like Diane von Furstenberg and me right now is that they DO THINGS instead of bingeing on Orange is the New Black (which, highly recommend, even if it doesn’t let you live your best life).

Last year breezed by with all sorts of fun and new beginnings (bye-bye Boston, see ya job, hello marriage, greetings grad school) and it was a full-throttle, disorganized, love-filled exhilaration from beginning to end.  I think an accurate representation of my mental state in the latter half of 2016 was a delicate balance of hanging onto sanity while blaming my shortfalls on not knowing where all my sh*t was.  Like, I was certain the reason I couldn’t focus on up-lighting for the wedding was because I didn’t know where my senior-year English anthologies were and the stress of that non-issue was mind-melting (they were in Reno at the time, now they’re in a box in the garage).

It was an exciting and terrifying way to live life, but now I’m ready for some structure and calculated power moves that will take me from life-bystander to focused life-CEO.  I’m going to do everything I can this year to find a direction and take it, even if it’s super wrong and I can’t tell anyone about it until years later once the shame has faded.  This blog is one of the directions I’m going, which may or may not work out, so no pressure on any of us here.  I’ve been waiting for my destiny to show up since 2007, but it must be lost because the only thing that rings my doorbell is the UPS guy, and he doesn’t come over that often. *only when JustFab is having a sale.

I’d love for you to join me as I search for my destiny, so please read any and all posts you are interested in, and leave a comment with encouragement if you like what you read.

Also of note: I am writing for a beauty start-up blog, and my posts about everything from 2016 Beauty Trends You Don’t Need to Care About Anymore to How to Wear Grey Lipstick and Not Look Dead, will be linked in the side column and are important must-reads.  Check them out!

{photo from oilpaintingsframes.com}

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