Valentine’s Day Gift Guide for Your Cat

There are a lot of Valentine’s Day gift guides out there.  It can be overwhelming to sift through all the guides “for him,” “for her,” and “for the kids” when all you’re searching for are some rock solid gift ideas for your cat.  Hey look no further, cat lovers!  I’ve compiled a comprehensive list of everything I’m giving my own cat, Juicy, for Valentine’s Day this year.  Don’t be shy, you can give your cat them all, too!

Gift Idea #1 – A really energetic “Good morning!” 

I wish Juicy a good morning every single day, but today I will do so in my highest, perkiest cat mom voice.  I like to think that Juicy knows this voice is only reserved for special occasions, and for when she gets her soft food every night (see gift idea #5).  While she does not respond well (*at all*) to my “naughty cat” voice, I do think she understands that something magical is about to happen to her with my excited voice.  Try it out – your kitty won’t be disappointed!  At the very least, they’ll at least look up to see what’s the matter with you.

Gift Idea #2 – Deep and meaningful eye contact

Juicy loves this.  Today I’ll give her extra.  I like to try and mind-meld with her at least once a day.  When we lock eyes, nothing is more intriguing than what she could be thinking and if she understands that we are having a staring contest.  What if she holds the secret to life?  What if she is the secret to life?  Ed thinks her tiny head can’t house an advanced brain, but I think that no one really knows.  Juicy and I will practice this at various points today so she understands that her gift to me should be telepathy.

Trying hard to communicate via brainwave

Gift Idea #3 – Shoe box

Forget cat beds!  Lions like Juicy can’t be bothered with those.  Ditch the plush for the cold hard corners of a discarded JustFab boot box (Juicy requires boot boxes due to the additional space, but if you have a regular, non-majestic cat, please feel free to use a regular shoe box).  Literally this is Juicy’s favorite spot to sit and watch the world go by.  As a special treat, today I will move the box to a new location, but still within view of me so we can indulge in Gift Idea #2 whenever the mood strikes.  Right now the box is to my left.  Perhaps this afternoon I will move the box further to the left and give her the gift of perspective.

Front view. Actual favorite shoe box

Back view

Gift Idea #4 – Drugs Catnip

WOW does Juicy like to trip on catnip.  Usually reserved as a distraction for the times we’re apart for more than 24 hours, today I’ll blow her mind by sprinkling OD quantities of catnip on her two claw toys.  Maybe I’ll even sprinkle some on her back to see what happens!  Gift giving is a two-way street!

Juicy, post-catnip {Art by Max Page}

Gift Idea #5 – Soft foods at regularly scheduled time

This may not sound like a special Valentine’s gift, and that’s because it’s not.  Juicy gets her soft food, like the gift that it is, every day.  If you’ve also got a daily soft food pattern, you have got to get creative when turning it into a gift!  Start simple – for instance, today I plan on letting Juicy know that this soft food is not like yesterday’s (it’s exactly the same) by saying, “Happy Valentine’s Day Jewwwwwwwwice!  Ohhhhh da baby!  Here you go!  Om nom nom!  So GOOOOOOOOD!”  This will up the ante in flavor for her.  Pro tip: if you’re thinking about mixing two soft food flavors together in order to create something really out of this world, just know that the last time I did that it backfired in an unbelievable way.

Waiting patiently for soft food

So there you go!  Everything you need to make your cat’s Valentine’s Day extra special is at your fingertips or available by using a different octave of your voice.  Have fun and stay sweet!

Expressing gratitude

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History of St. Valentine

Sitting at my desk this morning, I heard a bird chirping through the window (I think it was a robin, since those are the only ones I recognize).  How long has it been since you’ve heard a chirping bird?  I totally forgot about birds since basically October and now I’ve been pleasantly reminded that one day it will be 50 degrees and then one day it won’t be colder than that for MONTHS.  Feeling blessed in Illinois suburbia today.  Juicy feels it too.

Not Juicy

Ok so Valentine’s Day is tomorrow and whether or not you buy Russell Stover chocolates for your sweetheart or for yourself (Ed has priced them to SELL at Jewel) or if you’re a V-Day hater, I thought I’d do a light internet search on St. Valentine and relay the history behind deeply discounted chocolate truffles.

Here’s our guy:

St. Valentine {photo from catholic.org}

Let’s start with what Catholic.org says, as I believe they are the keepers of the saints.  Apparently not much is known about St. Valentine, and in 1969 the Roman Catholic Church even took him out of their calendar because everyone was like, “do we really know this guy?” and the church was like, “ummmmm guess not.”  The most common story of St. V is as follows: Valentine’s faith was put to the test when a judge asked him to prove his faith by restoring sight to his blind adopted* daughter.  St. Valentine was like, “NO PROBLEM” and brought the little girl’s sight back.  The judge immediately converted to Christianity right there along with his 44 family members.

*adopted is not a necessary detail in this story, so I thought it was a lolz that the article included it.  They don’t know if anything is true about St. Valentine but they’re like, “do not forget to include that the little girl was adopted!”

Curing the little girl’s sight must have given St. Valentine a confidence boost, because he then went around trying to convert more people to Christianity as well as marry Christian couples (a very serious crime apparently in year 269).  He was eventually arrested and while imprisoned, St. Valentine became bros with the emperor of Rome, Claudius.

One day, Valentine was feeling comfortable enough with his new pal to try and convert Claudius to Christianity, but Claudius didn’t want any of it.  He was so pissed at Valentine for trying to pull a fast one on him that he had him killed on February 14^th.  Legend has it that right before Valentine’s head was cut off, he restored the sight of the jailer’s blind daughter (why is everyone blind??), and left the judge’s daughter he had healed in the beginning of the story a note that read, “Your Valentine.”  Not exactly the same message I intended when I sent Mitch Peterka a valentine in 4^th grade signed “Your Valentine” (my message was “please sit in my desk pod so I can imagine that you are my boyfriend”).

During the Middle Ages, it was believed that birds paired in mid-February (evidence in the beginning of this post).  Valentine’s death was eventually linked to the pairing of birds, associating him with romance and devotion, and subsequently a commercial holiday that sells 58 million pounds of chocolate during Valentine’s Day week.

In Catholicism, Patron saints are chosen as special protectors over various areas of life and the things they protect usually overlap with things from their own lives or interests (example: a saint that was interested in nature during his life then becomes the patron of ecologists).  So I thought St. Valentine’s list would for sure include love, marriage, courtship, birds, maybe migration, probably candy, and definitely roses.

Well guess what.  Junior mints are not on the list!  Neither are birds!!

Catholic.org lists Valentine as the Patron Saint of: affianced couples, bee keepers, engaged couples, epilepsy, fainting, greetings, happy marriages, love, lovers, plague, travelers, and young people.  …bee keepers?  Epilepsy??  PLAGUE??  I see now why he was booted from the calendar.

Have a great Valentine’s Day!

 

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2017 Fashion Trends I Can’t Get Down With

As I was catching up on my Glamour mags the other day, I noticed the editors over there have identified some v. interesting fashion trends for 2017.  Normally I’m all, “whatevs” when I see something I’m not totally vibe-ing with, but I actually said, “ew no” out loud a couple times while flipping through the style section of the January issue.  Let’s have a show and share, shall we?

Has anyone heard of “grown up anklets”?  These new ones are like belts, but for your ankles:

{photo from modaoperandi.com}

Lol.  It looks like she tricked out her ankle monitor while on house arrest.  A pair will set you back $205.  Imma pass.

Next up is bathleisure.  It’s like athleisure (which I am on board with) but with bath-wear.  Which is robes.  I don’t believe shower caps or towel turbans are included in this new trend, but perhaps they would improve it.  Are there other potential clothing items or accessories in the bath-wear category I don’t know about?  Shower-caddy-as-purse, perhaps?  The difference between athleisure being ok and bathleisure being not ok is that you can wear athletic clothing in public and it’s normal.  No one ever wears their bathrobe outside of the house unless they’re running to the mailbox to retrieve their latest JustFab catalog.  I’d say the only one that can pull this trend off is Kim K:

{photo by Stephane Cardinale – Corbis/Corbis}

She’s all, “just stepped out of the bath!”  Side note: check out what that gal in the back left is wearing (a marathon blanket?).

This next one I am 50/50 on: The Slipdress.  Bathleisure’s cousin, the slip dress is pretty much wearing your average silk slip in midi form and out in public.  The reason I don’t like this is because who actually looks good in it?  The model below even looks upset she has to wear one.  Now, true confessions, I have my own slip dress, but it is made of heavy-duty crushed velvet and has a lining for crissakes.  Maybe that just makes it a dress with spaghetti straps?

{photo from alexanderwang.com}

Doesn’t it look like she she only got half-way ready?  This little number retails for $1,456USD, but it’s sold out.  Darnit!

Do you see the trend within these no bueno trends?  They’re all pushing underwear as outerwear!  How am I supposed to hit the streets of Naperville like this.  I thought 2017 was going to bring more lady-like items in response to the bandage dresses of yore.  Nope!  Next up is bra tops.  If you’re going to go out in your bathrobe, you might as well pick out a stellar bra top to go with it.  I’m not sure where this would be appropriate besides Lollapolooza or the beach (where it is known as a bikini top), or what makes a bra top different from a regular old bra (ruffles?), but here it is on the runway paired with, of all things, slacks:

{photo from glamour.com}

And to round out this compilation, here is what you can wear on your feet while you rock your “I woke up like this” look: flatforms.

{photo from dailymail.co.uk}

You guys.  Hard no.

 

What do you think of these trends?  Will you be trying any of them out this year?

 

P.S.  Kendall Jenner let everyone know over the weekend that she is o-v-e-r fabric chokers.  So get rid of your chokers immediately!  But just the fabric ones!  You can keep your ribbon, metal and jewel ones on standby.

OUT

{photo from twitter.com/areyouami}

STILL IN

{photo from mtv.com}

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