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2017 Fashion Trends I Can’t Get Down With

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As I was catching up on my Glamour mags the other day, I noticed the editors over there have identified some v. interesting fashion trends for 2017.  Normally I’m all, “whatevs” when I see something I’m not totally vibe-ing with, but I actually said, “ew no” out loud a couple times while flipping through the style section of the January issue.  Let’s have a show and share, shall we?

Has anyone heard of “grown up anklets”?  These new ones are like belts, but for your ankles:

{photo from modaoperandi.com}

{photo from modaoperandi.com}

Lol.  It looks like she tricked out her ankle monitor while on house arrest.  A pair will set you back $205.  Imma pass.

Next up is bathleisure.  It’s like athleisure (which I am on board with) but with bath-wear.  Which is robes.  I don’t believe shower caps or towel turbans are included in this new trend, but perhaps they would improve it.  Are there other potential clothing items or accessories in the bath-wear category I don’t know about?  Shower-caddy-as-purse, perhaps?  The difference between athleisure being ok and bathleisure being not ok is that you can wear athletic clothing in public and it’s normal.  No one ever wears their bathrobe outside of the house unless they’re running to the mailbox to retrieve their latest JustFab catalog.  I’d say the only one that can pull this trend off is Kim K:

{photo by Stephane Cardinale - Corbis/Corbis}

{photo by Stephane Cardinale – Corbis/Corbis}

She’s all, “just stepped out of the bath!”  Side note: check out what that gal in the back left is wearing (a marathon blanket?).

This next one I am 50/50 on: The Slipdress.  Bathleisure’s cousin, the slip dress is pretty much wearing your average silk slip in midi form and out in public.  The reason I don’t like this is because who actually looks good in it?  The model below even looks upset she has to wear one.  Now, true confessions, I have my own slip dress, but it is made of heavy-duty crushed velvet and has a lining for crissakes.  Maybe that just makes it a dress with spaghetti straps?

{photo from alexanderwang.com}

{photo from alexanderwang.com}

Doesn’t it look like she she only got half-way ready?  This little number retails for $1,456USD, but it’s sold out.  Darnit!

Do you see the trend within these no bueno trends?  They’re all pushing underwear as outerwear!  How am I supposed to hit the streets of Naperville like this.  I thought 2017 was going to bring more lady-like items in response to the bandage dresses of yore.  Nope!  Next up is bra tops.  If you’re going to go out in your bathrobe, you might as well pick out a stellar bra top to go with it.  I’m not sure where this would be appropriate besides Lollapolooza or the beach (where it is known as a bikini top), or what makes a bra top different from a regular old bra (ruffles?), but here it is on the runway paired with, of all things, slacks:

{photo from glamour.com}

{photo from glamour.com}

And to round out this compilation, here is what you can wear on your feet while you rock your “I woke up like this” look: flatforms.

{photo from dailymail.co.uk}

{photo from dailymail.co.uk}

You guys.  Hard no.

 

What do you think of these trends?  Will you be trying any of them out this year?

 

P.S.  Kendall Jenner let everyone know over the weekend that she is o-v-e-r fabric chokers.  So get rid of your chokers immediately!  But just the fabric ones!  You can keep your ribbon, metal and jewel ones on standby.

OUT

{photo from twitter.com/areyouami}

{photo from twitter.com/areyouami}

STILL IN

{photo from mtv.com}

{photo from mtv.com}

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3 thoughts on “2017 Fashion Trends I Can’t Get Down With

  1. All of these trends seem like they’re for celebrities, except that flatform will wind up in Walmarts.

    I don’t subscribe to Glamour but my Marie Claire is bringing cellulite back via Lena Dunham! I loved it.

  2. That marathon blanket is hilarious!! The slip dress “strings” near the bottom look like the strings on my blinds in the house. She does look like she can’t wait to get out of it.

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